Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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