this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my poor anus
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
