We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
