Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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