the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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