isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
