how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
