I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
