Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
