I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
