We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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