oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
