i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
