you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
