Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
do nipples grow back?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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