So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
