Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize