In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize