I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
