so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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