Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
