dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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