and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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