I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
