What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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