She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
