Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
