i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize