Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
