I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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