Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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