is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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