yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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