I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
