Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
