Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
