Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
