thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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