I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
