If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
