her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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