Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
