we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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