Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
