duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
