I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
