dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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