i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
