mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
