I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
