Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
