are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
