Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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