Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
