"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
