you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
