i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
