this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
