your parents love me but you hate me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
