just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize