You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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